2004-06-11 - 3:47 p.m.

I did not write this. I've gotten it in email several times and find it accurate, especially given the arguments I am currently engaged in with a longtime friend who adores Bush. Nearly every single thing he cites as a positive for George Bush makes this list.

What Republicans Must Believe Today:

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

"Standing Tall for America'" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

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